Log in

Repression can take it's toll...have correct change ready.

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012
4:28 pm - Jeez LJ, where've you been? We had you declared legally dead and everything...
I just re-discovered my LiveJournal account. I haven't been here in a couple of years literally.
There's been so many changes in my life, big and small. I don't know where to start or if I even have the interest in trying. Suffice to say the bartending was a waste of time. The BDSM led to some very interesting mis-adventures and I've put that part of my life on the shelf for the time being. I had to get a new car, but I kept Virginia until I can repair her. Sold the V-Max (did I even name it?). Been working executive protection for over a year now. Moved into my own apartment, but still close with Steph. One is still the loneliest number. Living from paycheck to paycheck trying to keep afloat. Unsure of my course in life, my purpose or goal. Low on hopes, dreams, motivations and travel snacks.....
So pretty much life as usual. Demon killing is so much easier and satisfying.

current mood: working

(comment on this)

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
12:40 am - Food for The Eagle By Adam Savage
Harvard Secular Society conferred lifetime achievement awards on MythBusters' Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman this weekend. Adam's splendid acceptance speech follows.

Food for The Eagle
By Adam Savage

Good evening.

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to read my speech from my new iPad.

Yep. I'm not only a humanist, I'm also an early adopter.

I want to start by saying that, to me, any discourse from me about how one can live a moral existence without religion or the church would sound improperly defensive. That there's an opposite to be defended is absurd and based on a provably false premise. So let's dispense with that.

(To be clear: I'm referring to the humanist axiom "Good without God," whereby "good" means morality. It's provably false that there exists no morality outside of religion, therefore the statement sounds defensive to me.)

By what route does anyone come to believe what they believe? We all like to imagine that it's based on a set of logical facts, but it's often a much more circuitous route.

For me it was pretty simple. I'm actually the fourth generation in my family to have no practical use for the church, or God, or religion. My children continue this trend.

Here are a few things I've learned.

Prayer doesn't work because someone out there is listening, it works because someone in here is listening. I've paid attention. I've pictured what I want to happen in my life. I've meditated extensively on my family, my future, my past actions and what did and didn't work for me about them. I've looked hard at problems and thought hard about their solutions.

See, I order my life by the same mechanism that I use to build things. I cannot proceed to move tools around in the real world until my brain has a clear picture in it of what I'm building. The same goes for my life. I've tried to pay attention. I've tried to picture the way I want things to be, and I've noticed that when I had a clear picture, things often turned out the way I wanted them to.

I've concluded by this that someone is paying attention—I've concluded that it's me. I've noticed that if I'm paying attention to those around me, to myself, to my surroundings, then that is the very definition of empathy. I've noticed that when I pay attention, I'm less selfish, I'm happier—and that the inverse holds true as well.

I think one of the defining moments of adulthood is the realization that nobody's going to take care of you. That you have to do the heavy lifting while you're here. And when you don't, well, you suffer the consequences. At least I have. (And in the empirical study I'm performing about interacting with the universe, I am unfortunately the only test subject I have complete access to, so my data is, as they say, self-selected.) While nobody's going to take care of us, it's incumbent upon us to take care of those around us. That's community.

The fiction of continuity and stability that your parents have painted for you is totally necessary for a growing child. When you realize that it's not the way the world works, it's a chilling moment. It's supremely lonely.

So I understand the desire for someone to be in charge. (As a side note, I believe that the need for conspiracy theories is similar to the need for God.) We'd all like our good and evil to be like it is in the movies: specific and horrible, easy to defeat. But it's not. It's banal.

There's a quote I love: "Evil is a little man afraid for his job." I always thought some famous author said it, but I asked my 200,000 followers on Twitter today, and it turns out that Roy Scheider said it in Blue Thunder.

No one is in charge. And honestly, that's even cooler.

The idea of an ordered and elegant universe is a lovely one. One worth clinging to. But you don't need religion to appreciate the ordered existence. It's not just an idea, it's reality. We're discovering the hidden orders of the universe every day. The inverse square law of gravitation is amazing. Fractals, the theory of relativity, the genome: these are magnificently beautiful constructs.

The nearly infinite set of dominoes that have fallen into each other in order for us to be here tonight is unfathomable. Truly unfathomable. But it is logical. We don't know all the steps in that logic, but we're learning more about it every day. Learning, expanding our consciousness, singly and universally.

As far as I can see, the three main intolerant religions in the world aren't helping in that mission.

For all their talk of charity and knowledge, that they close their eyes to so much—to science, to birth control education, to abuses of power by some of their leaders, to evolution as provable and therefore factual (the list is staggering)—illustrates a wide scope of bigotry.

Now, just to be clear. If you want to believe, or find solace in believing, that someone or something set these particular dominoes in motion—a cosmic finger tipping the balance and then leaving everything else to chance—I can't say anything to that. I don't know.

Though a primary mover is the most complex and thus (given Occam's razor) the least likely of all possible solutions to the particular problem of how we got here, I can't prove it true or false, and there's nothing to really discuss about it.

If Daniel Dennett is right— that there's a human genetic need for religion— then I'd like to imagine that my atheism is proof of evolutionary biology in action.

There may be no purpose, but its always good to have a mission. And I know of one fine allegory for an excellent mission should you choose to charge yourself with one: Carlos Castaneda's series of books about his training with a Yaqui indian mystic named Don Juan. There's a lot of controversy about these books being represented as nonfiction. But if you dispense with that representation, and instead take their stories as allegories, they're quite lovely.

At the end of The Eagle's Gift, Don Juan reveals to his student that there's no point to existence. That we're given our brief 70-100 years of consciousness by something the mystics call "The Eagle," named for it's cold, killer demeanor. And when we die, the eagle gobbles our consciousness right back up again.

He explains that the mystics, to give thanks to the eagle for the brief bout of consciousness they're granted, attempt to widen their consciousness as much as possible. This provides a particularly delicious meal for the eagle when it gobbles one up at the end of one's life.

And that, to me, is a fine mission.

Thank you.

— Delivered to the Harvard Humanist Society, April 2010

(3 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, February 27th, 2010
3:38 am - If it wasn't obvious, tonight is an insomnia night. Yay.
It's raining, can't sleep. Whoop de doo.

current mood: can't sleep

(comment on this)

3:36 am - Guess what I found?...LOL
An entire email account that I forgot about! The one that my LJ is directed to actually. LOL!!!!

current mood: ditzy

(comment on this)

2:45 am - Re: Dreaming about Hell post on 2009-09-06 23:55:00
I was reading my post about my dreams of going to hell. Ha!
I just finished playing the much anticipated Dante's Inferno on Xbox 360.
While I did find parts of the gameplay monotonous, the visuals alone were worth admission price.
Not only was the higher resolution outstanding, but the amount of imagination and creativity in that game was bar none the most impressive I've ever seen. The 9 circles of hell were impressively disturbing and scary. I loved it.

My image of hell is definitely one in which I can fight through if I am bad-ass enough, and don't give up or take shit off anyone, even the god-damned devil. If you were ever going to piss in someone's face, the devil is the one to do it to. Fuck him and his shit hole.
This might possibly be the reason I loved this game so much.

Dante's Inferno: 8 out of 10 Kicks to the Ass.

current mood: impressed

(comment on this)

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
10:51 pm - Immortality...
"Immortality will come to such as are fit for it; and he who would be a great soul in the future must be a great soul now." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

(comment on this)

10:10 am - Incubus at The Hollywood Bowl
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Saw Incubus last night. My first California concert and also my first time seeing Incubus. How fitting that my first CA concert is what I think of as a California band. Fantastic performance. They do not disappoint!

But the most awesome part of the night was after the show, as the audience was leaving, they played Journey "Don't Stop Believin" over the speakers, and the entire crowd started singing along!! Everyone knew the words and there was this feeling of collective happiness amongst the crowd as we all sang about a small town girl living in a lonely world. Pure win.
10:10 AM

current mood: pleased

(comment on this)

Thursday, January 29th, 2009
4:38 pm
“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.”

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

~Jedi Master Yoda

(comment on this)

Monday, August 25th, 2008
10:07 pm - Whose your Vampire personality?

Whose your Vampire personality? (images)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Blade

Thats right you are the booty kicking you cross me and I will stomp a mudhole in your butt type. Sexy and a great fighter with mad fighting skills













Deacon Frost









(comment on this)

Thursday, July 31st, 2008
9:06 am - Rule 150 of the Evil Overlord List
"I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet"."

(comment on this)

Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008
12:22 pm - oderint dum metuant
oderint dum metuant: Let them hate so long as they fear. (A favorite saying of Caligula.)

(comment on this)

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
7:20 pm - Stardust movie....my thoughts on it.
I realize adaptations are just that...adapted, but I was disappointed with the change in the tone of the story. The book was ageless, with a level of storytelling that was neither just for children or for adults, but both. The movie seemed to suffer from Hollywood's ever constant habit of adding "CUTE" to the story to make it appealing to younger and less attentive audiences. As much as I love De Niro, his character was so far over the top it was nowhere near the book. And the cliche confrontation at the end was pure Hollywood as well. The very ending with them living happily ever after was an acceptable change, but overall I found the movie to be anything but a faithful adaptation of Gaiman's work. I guess Neil has to settle for certain comprises to see his work on the big screen, but I'm sorry to see it so.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Monday, July 30th, 2007
12:11 pm - Writer's Block: In The Money
If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?

I would go get a haircut, get some groceries, and get dinner.

(comment on this)

Monday, May 14th, 2007
11:58 am - Personal mantra!
My rage knows no limits, my strength knows no bounds!
The power of ultimate destruction lies within me!
The power to wipe out an enemy, devastate an army, shatter entire
civilizations or obliterate the world!
I fear nothing!
I can be stopped by no one!
I am a law unto myself!
I am supreme!

(3 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
4:55 pm - "Temet nosce"
"Know thyself - and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe."

(comment on this)

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
12:22 pm
"Consequences dictate our course of action, and it doesn't matter what's right. It's only wrong if you get caught."

(6 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, November 30th, 2006
9:12 pm - You're not engaged -- yet
According to the Annual Review of Sociology, about 75 percent of cohabiting couples say they plan to marry their partners. Additionally, 55 percent of marriages today are preceded by cohabitation. But not every couple who live together are destined to walk down the aisle together. We interviewed a woman who assumed that moving in with her boyfriend was an engagement, but she never actually spoke to her boyfriend about it. When she found out he didn’t want to marry her, she was heartbroken. Like it or not, when you move in with your girlfriend, you're sending a message: "I'm ready to settle down." Unless you've made it clear that living together is not a formal engagement, she's likely to thikg there's a diamond ring in her immediate future.

current mood: Beware

(comment on this)

Friday, November 17th, 2006
5:11 pm - "Murder May Boomerang"
There was an old EC story - "Murder May Boomerang" it ran In "Crime Suspense Stories" #1 (and later, in #19) - in which an old man was beaten and left for dead by an escaped convict that had found him alone in an old hunting cabin. The old man's son finds him crammed in a closet in his hunting cabin, broken, bleeding and delirious. The father tells his son that the convict took his hunting clothes. The son gets upset and wants vengeance - he tells his dad that he'll get him, he'll get that killer! Soon the two are seated in the son's car and are tearing around in the driving rain searching for the man. The old man points to figure walking in the rain wearing hunting clothes - "Son! There! He's the one! He's the one!" and the son stepped on the accelerator and plowed into the man, killing him in an instant. It was over. And yet, when the two stopped in front of a sheriff's office and a man in hunting clothes stepped out, waving to the sheriff the old man repeated himself - "Son! There! He's the one! He's the one!" and the horror of it all sunk in - his dad was out of his mind! He didn't know who had beaten him - he only knew that the man wore hunting clothes. The story ended with the son and father still driving - the son in shock, afraid to stop.

(comment on this)

Friday, October 20th, 2006
10:16 am - sleeping problems...
This morning after another night of not sleeping well, I'm clumsy. I'm
dropping things, I can't focus at all. Simple problems have me
completely struggling. I couldn't even figure out a routine problem
this morning. I haven't really gotten into a deep sleep all week, just
superficial stage-1 sleep, and I'm deprived. I feel like hammered shit,
literally. It's anxiety I guess, I don't know. I keep dozing in and
out of consciousness sitting at my desk. At times I don't even realize
my eyes are closed. It's bad.


current mood: exhausted

(comment on this)

Friday, October 6th, 2006
4:33 pm - I'm sick.
I feel like hammered shit.
I've got chills, I have a fever, sore throat, runny nose, sinus
pressure, headache, feeling rundown.

I'm also working a double shift today/tonight.

On the up side, I am dressed very well, black shirt, slacks, tie. I look like Grosse Point Blanke.
When I become rich I'm going to hire a very very hot nurse to take care of me on sick days.

current mood: sick

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page